Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Abonophobia: A fear of falling off the edge of things whilst mullin over the importance of place names like Clayton. This is a fear that, unknowingly, You Too may share!

Today we're going to discuss the very serious mental and emotional disorder known as Abonophobia, which is a fear of falling off the edge of things, especially ground floor window sills attached to bungalows . . . and particularly those without a second floor, whilst wearing designer sun glasses; this is a fear which you too may share!  

Abonophobics are many and varied in nature, but recently the most serious cases have become known by the cult name The Eclectic Abonophobics.

Now, a study at the University of Clayton, Ontario, Cannabista, indicated that the greatest fear of Eclectic Abonophobics appears to be the fear of falling off edge of the world, although, due to their eclectic nature, they also fear falling off of a very wobbly pile of CD's, especially those comprising no line on the horizon, which is kind of ironic really. Professor Larry Mullen, Jr., told us, and we miss quote him completely here (unfortunately Miss Quote was not available to correct her errors in time for today's publication), "Abonophobics will not travel by boat or ship due to their overwhelming fear of falling over the edge of their perceived flat world. They prefer to fly, just as long as the pilot assures them that the aircraft will not approach the edge of the world at Twilight, and they will avoid the three sunrises of the unforgettable fire!

Getting back on track, it has been discovered very recently that people who suffer from Abonophobia often, but not always, think that the world is flat, this is because their thinking is linear and therefore there is every likelihood that they may fall off the edge if they take to the high seas in search of Dublin, four leaf clovers, leprechauns, unicorn, and Murphy's Law of Improbable Discoveries. 

Abonophobics will rarely be seen wearing designer sunglasses for fear that they may begin to sing in places where the streets have no name whilst searching relentlessly for a Joshua Tree.

People who suffer from Abonophobia are happy to live with or without you, preferably without you if your name is Zooropa The Wanderer and you want to Stay . . faraway, so close!; because that's just way too confusing!

Abonophobics realise that although there may be no line on the horizon at the moment, there may well be soon if they don't learn how to dismantle an atomic bomb . . and so they feel desperate to take one step closer to peace on earth before... there is a one minute warning and everything gets out of control and the whole thing goes . . . POP!

This blog post comes to you today courtesy of 'Abonophobics Anonymous', whom took no liberties whilst looking like a Bad Baby Face(d) Angel of Harlem, Always, even on a Beautiful Day stuck in a moment you can't get out of and suffering from Vertigo..., like an Acrobat When Love Comes to Town, unable to get the Crumbs from your Table cos they've done a Disappearing Act on a Dirty Day down the Discotheque, making one Rattle and Hum with Desire for a City of Blinding Lights that seems like a Cartoon World on the 4th of July whilst the German tourists shout Achtung Baby to unsuspecting passers by who would, on Another Day, go to War with them on the Promenade, maybe in October(?), which would be a Race Against Time, but Eno's Pride lost the Plot in a 180 degree turn at the Playboy Mansion, near the red hill mining town called 'Testimony', to what, no one knows, but it could just be Van Diemen's Land where Miss Sarajevo lives in Mysterious Ways under that blasted tree of Joshua's on One Tree Hill and everyone turns Numb at The Speed of Life . . .

. . 'but it's The Sweetest Thing watching it Yoshino Blossom like that', said Steve Lillywhite With a Shout that made the Wild Honey turn as White as Snow . . . 'STOP' . .

. . . 'We're Running to Stand Still' said Paul Hewson as he stood on The Edge of the Ocean (yes, like all God's he is walking on water again).

'Look at the sky, did you have to go and Paint it Black like that' asked Eno, 'one more step and we are In God's Country.'

'. . . the night is full of holes, those bullets rip the sky of ink with gold, they twinkle as the boys play rock and roll, but they know that they can't dance, well at least they know . . .' thought Paul to himself as he stood there with his buddies looking out into the depths of internal despair.

'Why are we here' asked David Evans whilst standing next to the edge, looking out into infinity and beyond . .

'Because I'm,  looking for the Lady with the Spinning Head' answered Paul . . .

. . 'What, on Sunday, Bloody Sunday' remarked Mullen to the beat of a drum . .

. . 'If we jump now, what'll happen to The Mothers of the Disappeared' queried Clayton . .'Do they find God Part II?'

'She's a Mystery to Me' said Paul, 'Love is Blindness . . Like a Song . . . . I'll never feel the ground beneath her feet again . .

. . . is it time yet?'

'Yes' answered Evans whilst standing on The Edge.

'Get off me will ya', he quipped to himself, and so he tipped off and over the Edge . .

'Ok', said Paul, 'It's time to 11 O'Clock Tick Tock . . . '

WARNING: This video is just plane crazy. Abonophobics must avoid it at all costs, especially those with Eclectic Tendencies searching for the Edge of the Cartoon World as we know it: You won't find it here! 

It's a Beautiful Day people, and U2 should be pleased you've been 
a-Bono-Spoofed this way!

Till my next Post,

Doug ;-)